Sunday, March 2, 2014

Freebies for Cat Lovers

We all know cat people are quirky...but did you they are all cheap? It's true. Cat lovers are in servitude to their feline masters, and many of them toil to no end inside of call centers, coffee shops,   bookstores,  and other various entry level positions in futile attempt to appease Mr. Sprinkles, the free rescue calico they brought home a little over three years ago.
Cat slaves go through life in a constant fear of reproach from the ever shedding mate repelling demon who insists on spending 94 percent of its life under the couch or behind the computer desk. After rent, microwave dinners, and lavender sweatpants,  there is little left for poor Sprinks. Lord knows the little shitmonster can't be subjected to off brand crunchy food which is fine enough for the rest of its kind. God forbid "mommas whittle cuddleball" use anything but the finest odor obliterating kitty litter which comes in a new eco friendly container which justifies it's ridiculous pricetag.
Hence this book, written by a terrible person who probably self published this in an attempt gain impasse into the world of elite cat fanciers. I didn't open it because I assumed it was full of self addressed stamped envelope schemes in an attempt to get a trial size of some new form of meow mix,  or "newly formulated" cat piss stain remover....

Now if you excuse me, I'm off to work...my manager at Borders can be a real prick if I'm late, and Sprinks hates it when I don't stick to our routine.....The widdle wascal wuvs his awone  time....





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